New school year, new teachers, new classrooms, new seat assignments, maybe even a new school altogether. For a lot of kids, all that “new” adds up to one familiar feeling: nerves.
As parents, it’s tempting to smooth things over with a quick, “You’ll be fine!” But some of the most valuable conversations happen when we slow down and make space for nervousness instead of rushing past it.
Honesty and respect are two of the lessons First Tee coaches aim to instill on the golf course, and they can be really valuable when it comes to addressing nerves heading into a new school year.
Encourage honest conversations
On the course, coaches encourage kids to be honest about their score, even when nobody’s watching and even when the number is not what they hoped for. That same kind of honesty is useful at the kitchen table in August.
Asking open-ended questions that inspire thoughtfulness can help kids better understand and process their feelings about a new school year. Try questions like:
- “What’s one change you’re looking forward to about the new school year?”
- “What’s one thing that feels a little uncertain right now?”
Honesty goes both ways in these conversations. Kids pick up when parents are anxious too — about carpool logistics, new schedules, a PTA role. Naming your own small uncertainties shows that nerves are normal and nothing to hide.
One important thing for parents to remember is that change is part of growing up, not a problem to fix. Show respect for your child’s feelings with phrases like:
- “It’s normal that this doesn’t feel easy yet. Most things don’t feel easy on the first try.”
- “You don’t have to have this figured out by Friday. Give it a few weeks.”
- “Feeling a little nervous doesn’t mean something is wrong. It just means it’s new.”
That kind of language takes the pressure off kids to perform confidence they don’t feel and gives them permission to grow into the new situation the same way they grow into a new golf skill: with repetition, not perfection.
It’s important to teach kids that no one gets everything right. At First Tee, we view failure as the First Attempt In Learning. Mistakes happen and help us improve next time.
The bigger picture
Here are some questions to try in the car or at dinner as your child settles into their new routine:
- “What’s something your new teacher does differently than last year?”
- “Who did you sit with today and what did you learn about them?”
- “What’s one thing you handled today that felt a little hard?”
- “How can I help you get ready for tomorrow?”
The goal is not to eliminate their nerves but to help them build a habit of being honest about their feelings, a skill that will serve them into adulthood.
Building a positive self-identity provides kids with confidence to navigate challenges, setbacks and social pressures throughout life. When children learn to see themselves as capable, valued and worthy of respect, they’re more likely to form healthy relationships and take on new opportunities.
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